So “diet season” is in full swing , what’s your move?

"Are you on a diet?" is one of the most popular phrases in the English language. You look on social media and someone somewhere is trying to sell you a diet and workout plan. I open my Instagram and all the before and after photos make me want to jump on a treadmill immediately. This post is about diets I have tried, what has worked and what was a complete waste of money and effort.  There are so many diets out there it's unbelievable. I feel like I can make one up today "The see me I see you diet", as long as I have before and after photos and at least one follower (usually my sister) then I am in business.   My cousin swears by the cabbage soup diet where you eat just cabbage soup with carrots three times a day, if by cabbage you mean rice and by carrots you mean chicken then I am in ( but I think cabbage means cabbage, so I'll pass). Beyoncé made the syrup and lemon diet famous after admitting she does that before the red carpet. Just Syrup and lemon for 2 weeks 😳.  Ok Bey please don't come and rub me with your village problems  thank you very much.    The  Baby food diet (no comment ), juicing diet (I am hungry jor), paleo diet (if the title doesn't reflect what the diet entails then pls jog on), sailors diet (is this like fresh fish peppersoup diet?), raw food diet.. These are just a few famous ones that feel like they are out to end peoples lives.  The diets I have tried personally and can comment on are below.  Atkins diet  We all remember this one right? My mum bought the book around 2001/2002. I began to study it just out of curiosity because I didn't have a weight problem. Fast forward years later all my studying came to good use. I started doing a low carb Atkinish diet (I wasn't going to let jellof rice pass me by, Atkins kor Atkins ni). Let's just say that phase didn't last long, no bread, no rice, no pasta, no carbs at all? Who did this man think he was? Mshewww. I was even angry at myself for trying. On to the next jor. (You see how it brings back angry memories)  Forever living Cleanse 9    Next one forever living cleanse 9 diet or detox or whatever they are calling it now. First of all it is not realistic to loose the amount they claim in 9 days. But being one that was addicted to diets I said "yes please, take my money and don't say a word". Day 1 I was so gingered, I breezed past it. Day 2 My senses were so sharp,  I noticed I could smell unopened crisps from shops half a mile away, ah ah warris it, I was HUNGRY. Day 3 I gave up. The end. Weight loss zero kg and 3 vile Jerrycans  of Aloe Vera sitting by my bedside giving me dirty looks every night at bedtime (na you know....gheez) 5:2 diet    By this time you will think ok diets have kicked  her to the ground and stomped on her head too many times for her to fall for another one naw. NEVER! I am not a quitter. So I decided to buy the 5:2 fast diet book, I thought what's the worse that can happen. The 5:2 diet appealed to me because you can eat normally on five days and do a 600 calorie day on two days. I thought 5 days of Big Jellof rice and two days of small jellof rice, bring it on. This was a more realistic diet because you can do this long term and not miss or crave things. I managed to do it for a couple of weeks and I must admit I lost a little bit of weight. It was great while it lasted but the results were not fast enough for me. I wanted hard and fast results, I wanted my own before and after, I wanted abs that would set off metal detectors and fire alarms all round the country (is that not what we all want from diets?) so I moved on, nothing to see here pipo.  1200-a-day So I went back to the good ole 1200 calories a day boring diet that when  You start to tell someone about it they fall into a deep deep sleep that even a true loves kiss cannot even begin to resuscitate. To be honest this is what worked for me. There is a very simple formula to weigh loss Calories consumed should be less than Calories burned S H I K E N A. eat less and exercise more. Say it with me "eat less, exercise more". I eat 1200 calories on my day off from the gym and on gym days I can eat between 1500 and 1800 calories and go hard at the gym. I don't deprive myself of stuff. I will still have ice cream and popcorn once a week at the cinema and kinda have all my bad things on one day of the week. It works but it is not a fast method of losing weight, it's gradual and if consistent you will see results.  In my opinion diets don't work, you have to change something forever, either portions or completely cut out the biggest hitters. It has to be a permanent long term change. Learn how to eat and change bad habits, once you do that you are most of the way there really. Change something today and stop making diet sellers rich.  Ps. To purchase my "See me, I see you diet" send me a bank transfer of just £199. For the more extreme "silent crase" diet make that £399. Ok bye *off to go and price land in Lekki*  Wisdom of the day    

7 Comments

  1. ijeoma
    June 8, 2015 / 11:27 am

    Ah thus diet matter is crazy, and I agree with u there’s I get slim quick remedy it had to be the usual eat less work out more. It’s hard though!

    • Alero the Buttercup of Barnet
      June 8, 2015 / 11:32 am

      Ijeoma you are right. It is hard but we all have this microwave mentality these days, we want hard and fast results, me especially. Weight loss has to be gradual and sustainable.

  2. June 8, 2015 / 12:03 pm

    This post made me laugh! Mostly because I started a ‘diet’ of sorts today *hangs head in shame* lol. Nothing as drastic as some of the ones you’ve tried though! My dear, I hail you oo!

    I’m simply eating less and will move more…I said it with you; “eat less, exercise more” I need to lose the weight I’ve gained in recent months. Thanks for the giggles 🙂

  3. June 11, 2015 / 6:07 am

    Hi! I just would like to give a huge thumbs up for the terrific info you have got here on this post. I will probably be coming back to your weblog for extra soon.

  4. Mary
    June 11, 2015 / 7:47 am

    This is interesting, as everyone secretly wonders what to do about controlling their weight. Your experiences and lessons learnt are so funny. I agree with you though! “eat less, excercise more”. I will add however, that we should eat little of our guilty pleasures but a lot of Healthy food. Food that will support your antibodies and actually help to repair “wear n tear” as we grow. You’ll soon start to notice the difference. Good job girrl!

  5. Chrissie
    July 14, 2015 / 12:13 pm

    I forgot everything I just read staring at this pic of jellof…

  6. Luvbogg
    August 24, 2015 / 9:39 pm

    Niceeeeee. I think this 5:2 sounds interesting i may try that just for the fun of it!? We all know what to do but short cuts are waaaayyy more attractive.

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